On Thursday afternoon I meet with our RE to discuss what to do next. Apparently, he is concerned over my poor response during the last two cycles. So am I, quite frankly. That concern has given me a lot to think about.
Are we doing the right thing? As I watch the savings account dwindle with each treatment, I think of the debt that could be paid off, the home improvements that could be made and the traveling that could be done. Of course, if the treatments resulted in a real, live, take-home baby the costs will seem like nothing in comparison. The rewards will outweigh the costs exponentially. However, we are not paying for a baby, we are paying for a chance at a baby. It feels like gambling. Is a chance worth delaying the other things and experiences that we want out of life? It feels as though we are playing Russian Roulette with our fertility, our dreams, and our finances. Is it the right thing to do? If I was responding better, I might not be so hesitant, but I have had to fight for EVERY. SINGLE. BIT. of follicle growth. What if there is never enough? Where do you draw the line between searching for baby and ransoming your future?