Monday, January 24, 2011

Cycle Day 21 Progesterone

Well, it has finally been confirmed by my day 21 lab work. The clomid is not working. I am still not ovulating and my progesterone levels are abysmally low. Dr. Get Me Pregnant has now doubled the clomid dosage to 100 mg. Admittedly, that is still a fairly low dosage, but it is frustrating to know that I am broken enough that it needs to get harder. I can't help but wonder if the side effects are going to be worse with a higher dosage. It seems to make sense that they would be. Wish me luck and for all of you from IComLeavWe, here is baby dust and well wishes going your way!

D turns 9

D turned 9 Yesterday and all the adults in the house cringed to see her growing up so quickly. She is a very special young lady with a gentle kind heart and a love of the gospel. I wish her many, many years of happiness and more fun birthday surprises in t

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Cycle three and related musings

We are once again doing a clomid cycle this time with a wee bit more frustration. Apparently I misunderstood my RE regarding the need for day 21 progesterone tests (or he didn't give the information that he thought he did). GRRRRRRR!!!!! I am frustrated because Dr. Get me pregnant will not increase my clomid dosage without those test results even though he believes that I need a higher dose. GGRRR!!!! oh, and did I say GGRRRRR!!! ? So, the last few cycles have been pointless. *sigh*

On a related note, a completely surreal moment happened to me earlier this week. The day I took the first dose of clomid for this cycle, I also spent some time organizing the basement and I came across the box. You know the one. The I'm finally pregnant and look at all this irresistible baby stuff box. And then you miscarry and everything gets boxed away because it hurts to even look at it. Most of the box I was able to cope with, after all, it was all clothes and toys and what not that can sit in wait for a future child. Then I found the baby book. Our first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. We made it the longest that time, we had known that we were having a little girl and we had a name picked out for her. Perhaps filling out the pages of that book was too much temptation for fate because within hours of bringing it home and beginning to fill it out, I began to miscarry.
Until I found that book I had chosen to forget, act as though it wasn't there as a shadow in my heart. Perhaps because we had heard the heartbeat and seen the ultrasound, she has always been the only pregnancy that has felt real to me. All the subsequent miscarriages have felt very very unreal. I haven't gotten excited about the pregnancies, nor have I bought more baby things. With her I gave up hope.
As I flipped through the pages of her baby book and I read about our emotions of finding out about her and our reactions to the news of her existence, I realized that if we did get pregnant again with the clomid, that child will not be treated the same. That child will be awaited with bated breathe and crossed fingers and toes. The sheer joy will be gone. The pages of that book helped me heal a little this week, helped me move forward and to regain some hope. Does it mean anything that I began the clomid on the very day that I found Bethany's baby book? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that it reminded me of why I am putting myself through the nausea and wild mood swings, and reminded me that it is worth it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Christmas fun!

First off, let me apologize for the fuzzy photos....I think some wee ones touched my camera lens and left a few fingerprints.

We had a lot of fun with our usual traditions such as making doughnuts on Christmas eve.....getting covered in flour, of course!

We then followed up with our homemade clam chowder for dinner, the Christmas story and a late night of games as the adults waited for all the children to fall asleep, so that stockings and santa gifts could be put out. As note to self, I need to use fewer hiding places next year, I am still finding stocking stuffers that I had sacked away!

Christmas morning was a great affair with lots of unwrapping and a delish breakfast casserole! Hopefully your Christmas was great too!

J turns 7

We had lots of fun celebrating J's seventh birthday! I have to say though, that I am glad I don't have a December birthday!