Monday, November 21, 2011
We have been trying to conceive for eight years with only a few miscarriages to show for it. I only ovulate a couple times a year, and do not respond to clomid at all. Our next step is IVF in march or April of 2012! I am scared, excited and apprehensive. After so long it seems dangerous to feel hopeful.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
A dear sweet friend of mine is pregnant...........again. Since we began fertility treatments she has gotten pregnant, delivered and is now pregnant again. This will be her seventh child. While I am happy for her and think that she is an amazing mother, I can't help but feel as if this pregnancy of hers is some great cosmic joke. The unfairness stings and makes me want to yell at the world.
Yet, I am still glad that she told me. As much as it hurts to hear her news, I am so glad that I didn't have to hear it from someone else. I am also immensely glad that she told me over the phone so that my face didn't give me away as I congratulated her. Yes, it does seem a little two-faced to congratulate her while holding back tears, but that is my problem, not hers.
Infertility certainly has a way of tainting things with mixed emotions!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
A while back I purchased a tattered poetry book at a yard sale for ten cents. I picked it up and began reading this afternoon and soon could not see through my tears.
The Childless Mother’s Lullaby
by Ella Rhoads Higginson, 1925
Oh, many’s the time in the evening
When the light has fled o’er the sea,
That I dream alone in the gloaming
Of the joys that are not for me;
And oft in my sorrowful bosom
Swells up the mother-love flame,
And I clasp with my arms that are trembling
My child that never came. . . .
The hours swim on the midnight,
The moon looks over the hill,
And the u-lu-lu of the night owl
Sinks mournfully and shrill;
The solitude aches with rapture,
And my heart with the mother-love flame
As I sing alone in the gloaming
To the child that never came.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Ever hear this song?
My Def Leppard CD is one of my favorites, and one day while we were cleaning, I had this song blaring. Does anyone else have to have music playing in order to clean? Anyways, Mark and I were both singing and dancing to this song as we cleaned, but his lyrics didn't sound quite right. When I asked what he was singing his response was "super awesome hunger" instead of "pour some sugar on me." It still makes me giggle.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
- Have a boarder, this puts $600.00 a month into savings.
- Continue to save from paychecks, this adds $600.00 a month to savings at least.
- Mark may be able to put in some serious overtime, we will find out on Monday.
- A yard sale.
- There may be side jobs that Mark can do.
- Tax returns.
- I may pick up some babysitting jobs.
- Sell extra books on half.com
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
My first goal to a better me is to kick my soda habit. I so love a cold coke! I am currently enjoying the last coke in the house, and I am not buying any more! Losing weight may be one of the hardest parts of the IVF!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
These are just a few of the pictures that he took, but we had a blast in the process!