10 dp5dt--Beta day

*** This post will be a little too much information for some of you!  Feel free to skip it!   This is a forum for me to get out my emotions, so some times the details include a little over sharing!***

This morning I have already been to the clinic and back in order to have my blood drawn for the Beta.  I should receive the results around five this evening.

I already know that it will be negative.

The spotting that began 7dp5dt got worse, until at 9dp5dt,  I had a full blown heavy bleeding.  How is it that I have maybe a single period a year when not using progesterone to induce it, but the most important time to skip it...it comes days early?   I am so angry with my body for betraying me, with myself for daring to hope, and the world because... well, just because.  I laid in bed and cried for hours yesterday.   Literally hours.   

The IVF coordinator stressed that I should remain "cautiously optimistic" (I do not think that there is a phrase that I hate more!) until the results are in because "bleeding in early pregnancy during IVF is very common and it could be the progesterone, and something like 20% of women will continue to have regular periods throughout the first trimester."  Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada.  She had so many reasons why the bleeding could mean absolutely nothing, but I know it's the end.

Our best chance for a FET would be during the very next cycle because of the hysteroscopy.   We can't do it though.   We were gifted a large portion of the IVF costs, but we also almost completely emptied our bank accounts as well.    We are about $1200 short of being able to use our frozen embryos this very next cycle.  That means we kiss our best chance goodbye.  I am so angry, bitter and heartbroken right now, it feels like this will never end.