A letter about NIAW

For those family members that try and succeed, fail or don't understand:

I just wanted to let every one know that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week.    The reasons that I wanted to share are simple:

1. You can visit the resolve website and get more information about infertility and why NIAW is so important.
2. If people do not speak out, insurance companies will be able to continue to claim that fertility issues are not health issues.  While not having children may not be life threatening, the underlying causes have their own  medical side effects and symptoms.  Yet, those diagnoses still often have to go untreated.
3. Infertility is treated as a taboo subject, yet it effects millions of people each year.   It's time for people to stop feeling ashamed of having a medical issue.   Shout it from the roof tops and get the support that's needed.   Infertility makes you feel so alone, and then you tend to isolate ourselves by not speaking about it.  It's time for that to end!
4. Mark and I start another IUI cycle in 2-3 days.   Honestly, last month was heart wrenching, and bone shatteringly brutal when we found out the cycle was cancelled.   Add to that the ups, downs and crazies from all the drugs and I think I spent more time in tears than not last month.   It was really, really hard on Mark as well.   While we lean on each other during all of this, there are also times when we need outside support.  I have girlfriends that are great at listening, Mark's buddies....well, not so much.    An extra phone call or two might mean the world to Mark this coming cycle.   Especially since Mark will be working out of town for the entire cycle which gives him even less control and involvement than we had last time.

The Lovely Blog Award!

I received the Lovely blog award yesterday!    In order to pass it on ....

Here are the rules:
1. share who gave you this award to you with a link back to their blog.
2. write down 7 random facts about yourself.
3. give this award to 15 other bloggers.

I received the award from dogmomchasingthestork, I happen to love her blog because of how cheerful she is!

My Random Facts:

1. I love gardening....at least I love gardening once I get started, but getting there is the hard part.   Just call me lazy, I guess!
2. My favorite food is mashed potatoes!
3. I have had cataracts removed from both eyes and I have glaucoma.
4. I love all things purple or green!
5. I have been having an affair with coke cola....I keep trying to resist but the siren call is too strong.
6. My not-so-secret pleasure is reading on the backyard swing.
7. I love to craft...but almost never love the end results of my projects.

I sending this award off to:

1. Our pathway to parenthood 
2. Not all dreams are free
3. Just beginning
4. Happy Lady bug's Life
5. pretty certain my ovaries suck

Okay.....I know that I am short by 10 blogs...but I will add more as ICLW continues and as time allows!

Welcome April ICLW'ers!

If you are here for ICLW, welcome!   I look forward to getting to know you better!

As a bit about me...

Mark and I have been married nine and a half years and half been TTC that entire time.    Last month we were all set for our first IUI, but I had follicle growth issues and the cycle was cancelled.    Any day now, CD 1 will arrive and we will begin again!  

Feel free to look around, I can't wait to read your comments!

Thankful

“I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home…. I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.” - Nancie J. Carmody

Transitions....

It feels as though we are in a flux of transitions right now.   Absolutely everything seems to be in the process of changing for the better.

We are at the transition in time where it is too cold for most spring gardening, but too warm to not desire to get my hands dirty.   I started many of my veggies from seed months ago, and the plants are eagerly awaiting the great outdoors.   I know that the sun just makes me freckle, but I can't seem to get enough of it lately!

Mark is also transitioning to a new job...again.   I know!  He has only been with his current company for four weeks or so.   However, he has been offered a job that pays $15 an hour more, and has  much better benefits.   It's hard to turn that kind of money down especially when we are paying for fertility treatments out of pocket!   The downside is that he will have to stay in company provided housing four days a week because the job site is about two and a half hours away.  At least the company is working four ten hour shifts so that all the men get an extra day home with their families every weekend.

 Any day now, CD 1 will arrive and we will transition into a new cycle.  I am scared, excited and more apprehensive than I was last cycle.   I so badly wanted to be one of those girls in the infertility world.   You know?  Those girls that get pregnant their first IUI cycle, with no complications from meds and an easy uneventful pregnancy.  I really don't quite feel ready to dive into the ultrasounds, appointments and injections again.  In fact, I think I am approaching a place where I am ready to be done, and move on.   Mark's not there, though.   We have talked about doing three IUI cycles and then revisiting the topic of stopping treatment.

I guess that's another transition that is slowly occurring, isn't it?  

Rhubarb upside down cake

With spring being here, my rhubarb plant that is nestled into the corner of my strawberry bed is growing full force.    Since my strawberries are not ready yet, I couldn't make the typical strawberry rhubarb pie.....so,  I made the next best thing, Rhubarb upside down cake!  The downside is that there are two varieties of rhubarb the red kind and the green kind.  I have the green kind so mine isn't as pretty as Martha's, but it still tasted delish!  Swing over to Martha Stewart's website and check it out if you need a solution for a rampaging rhubarb plant!

Spring has sprung!

I feel like spring is officially here!   I have been spending a little too much time in the backyard swing with a book lately!    I sort of took me by surprised when I noticed that the sugar snap peas and lettuce are coming up in the garden and the flowers are sharing their color!  

 

 My erysimum is showing off it's beautiful yellow flowers.  I couldn't get a picture that was more in focus though, because as soon as I knelt down someone thought it was time to play!

She just couldn't understand why I would be down on the ground if it wasn't to play with her!   Silly Willow, puppy!

 

My June bearing strawberries by the front porch are in bloom and smell so good!   I am really glad that we got the stepping stones in the bed already because the plants are growing like mad this year!

 

The candytuft under the tree in the front yard is a new addition this year and I have to say that I am thrilled with it!  I can't wait for it to spread a little more!

 

Mark spent the afternoon working on a garden project that I will show you later this week.  I am really excited about it and can't wait to share!

I'm back......

I took a bit of a break from life after hearing that my cycle was cancelled.   I locked myself away with a couple good books, a craft project and some spring cleaning.    I spent my day today emptying my cupboards in order to scrub them out and reline them with new shelf paper.   Now that I am feeling a little renewed and refreshed we are starting another cycle!    In just about an hour I take my first dose of Provera.    Hopefully, this time will leave us with better results!

Cancelled.

Today was my follicle check, and the follicles had actually shrunk and my lining was thinning.

The cycle has been cancelled.

It is days like today that make me question everything that I believe. Deep down I know that everything happens for a reason and that you are never given more than you can handle. Yet, today it feels as though God is a big, mean kid dangling what I want in front of me.....only to pull it out of reach the moment I get close.