Thursday, February 23, 2012


I see the new RE in under a week and I am terrified! A part of me is afraid that he will be convinced that we shouldn't try further. Irrational I know, but the fear is there.

I think that it equates to the same fear that I have of the IVF. If we don't do IVF we can at least have hope, and a someday procedure. If we do go through with the IVF and it fails, then that hope is gone, that someday is removed from the equation. I think I could live without children for the rest of my life as long as that hope was there, the possibility. I wouldn't want to, and I wouldn't like it, but I could do it. To live without children and without the hope seems so very insurmountable. The hope of fertility treatments has been the only things to hold me up through the last few years, I don't know what I would do without it.


Jules said...

I think we all go through this. There always seems to be hope, but as you partake in the next treatment & another fails, the end seems just too close.

Wishing you all the best seeing your RE.

Visiting from ICLW.

ousoonerchick said...

I'm sorry your having a rough time. Hang in there!

Miss Monica said...

Happy ICLW!

Hey you're normal if you're terrified right now. So at least you have that going for you!!

Take things one step at a is much more manageable that way. Otherwise it is overwhelming and you'll freak out.

Hope is a wonderful thing - grab on to it tightly.

I'm glad you are getting closer to your fundraising goals!

Good luck!

Kat said...

I completely understand where you are. But remember, IVF may fail once, twice, even more, but it can still work. Not to say one should keep trying forever, unless they want to, but I think there's definitely still hope even if IVF doesn't work. Actually, I just started my first IVF cycle, and I literally haven't felt this hopeful since the very beginning of TTC. And I know it might not work. But the fact that I'm giving it a shot and not dying, I know I can do it again.

At the same time, everyone works on their own timeline, and I truly think you have to be totally emotionally ready for IVF. It is a huge step. But once you're ready, you'll know. And maybe, if you're lucky, you won't have to :) Good luck to you.