Hi there, ICLW'ers!

Welcome to all of you from ICLW! Feel free to look around, put your feet up and stay awhile!

We have been trying to conceive for eight years with only a few miscarriages to show for it. I only ovulate a couple times a year, and do not respond to clomid at all. Our next step is IVF in march or April of 2012! I am scared, excited and apprehensive. After so long it seems dangerous to feel hopeful.

Flower shop

What a fun way to explain a complicated subject!

Babies Everywhere!

A dear sweet friend of mine is pregnant...........again. Since we began fertility treatments she has gotten pregnant, delivered and is now pregnant again. This will be her seventh child. While I am happy for her and think that she is an amazing mother, I can't help but feel as if this pregnancy of hers is some great cosmic joke. The unfairness stings and makes me want to yell at the world.

Yet, I am still glad that she told me. As much as it hurts to hear her news, I am so glad that I didn't have to hear it from someone else. I am also immensely glad that she told me over the phone so that my face didn't give me away as I congratulated her. Yes, it does seem a little two-faced to congratulate her while holding back tears, but that is my problem, not hers.

Infertility certainly has a way of tainting things with mixed emotions!

Poetry

A while back I purchased a tattered poetry book at a yard sale for ten cents. I picked it up and began reading this afternoon and soon could not see through my tears.

The Childless Mother’s Lullaby
by Ella Rhoads Higginson, 1925

Oh, many’s the time in the evening
When the light has fled o’er the sea,
That I dream alone in the gloaming
Of the joys that are not for me;
And oft in my sorrowful bosom
Swells up the mother-love flame,
And I clasp with my arms that are trembling
My child that never came. . . .

The hours swim on the midnight,
The moon looks over the hill,
And the u-lu-lu of the night owl
Sinks mournfully and shrill;
The solitude aches with rapture,
And my heart with the mother-love flame
As I sing alone in the gloaming
To the child that never came.

Hee Hee Hee

Mark just reminded me of a silly memory and I just had to share!

Ever hear this song?



My Def Leppard CD is one of my favorites, and one day while we were cleaning, I had this song blaring. Does anyone else have to have music playing in order to clean? Anyways, Mark and I were both singing and dancing to this song as we cleaned, but his lyrics didn't sound quite right. When I asked what he was singing his response was "super awesome hunger" instead of "pour some sugar on me." It still makes me giggle.

How we are paying for IVF

Our goal is to find a way to fully fund our IVF within the next six months. We are going to:

1. Have a boarder, this puts $600.00 a month into savings.
2. Continue to save from paychecks, this adds $600.00 a month to savings at least.
3. Mark may be able to put in some serious overtime, we will find out on Monday.
   
4. A yard sale.
5. There may be side jobs that Mark can do.
6. Tax returns.
7. I may pick up some babysitting jobs.
   
8. Sell extra books on half.com
   

I still worry that this will not be enough, however, I feel better just knowing that we have a plan. Any other creative ideas out there?

Wordless Wednesday

Mazie

Our dog Mazie absolutely hates having her picture taken. She usually will run and hide under our bed as soon as the camera comes out. This time our door was closed and I was able to get a few shots. You can tell that she is not happy about it!

I needed this today..............

"It's going to be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end."

Confession Time

I have had a weight problem since I hit puberty. It has gone up and it has gone down, the last few years it has mostly gone up. It has really gone up while I have been on clomid. Now that my clomid days are over, and we are moving on to IVF, I am more concerned about my weight than ever before. With that in mind, its time for me to reevaluate my habits.
My first goal to a better me is to kick my soda habit. I so love a cold coke! I am currently enjoying the last coke in the house, and I am not buying any more! Losing weight may be one of the hardest parts of the IVF!

Mt. Timpanogos picture taking

Our friend Nathan was nice enough to take us up on Mount Timpanogos to take pictures, since my dear Sister in law (you know who you are!) was threatening us with black mail photos for the family calendar.

These are just a few of the pictures that he took, but we had a blast in the process!

Paint stick Snowmen

I love Christmas! I also happen to love home made ornaments! So when I saw this cute tutorial from Today's Fabulous Finds, I just had to try it! Here's what I ended up with.

Penny by Penny....

Our IVF fund grew by $125 today. Almost $800 in less than a week!

We have found additional sources for funds, and Mark might have a chance at some overtime too!

Cost of IVF

We heard the news that every infertile dreads....it's time to move on to IVF. We have found a great doctor that has been at the cutting edge of reproductive technology since the early eighties, so we feel as though we are in competent hands. The only problem is the cost. Mark has only been back to work for four months after almost two years of being under or unemployed. At this point, we should be able to save roughly $1200.00 a month towards our $12000.00 goal. We hope to make the total within the next six months so that leaves us with a $4800.00 deficit. Will tax returns, side jobs and a huge yard sale be enough?