Clinicals

Wow...what to say about my first clinical? It was easier than I had anticipated and harder at the same time. I ran the gauntlet emotionally through out the day as I went from nervous and excited, to terrified, to feeling so bad for the residents in the nursing facility. There were four residents in particular that just tugged at my heart strings. One kept asking for his wife and was so confused, another went from threatening to cut off all my hair to telling me that I'm a sweet girl. The third just laid in bed and moaned (I just wanted to sit by her side and make it better...she loved holding my hand, and being told it was all alright.). The fourth one didn't tug on my heart strings due to her condition, but rather to want she represented to me. My great-grandmother died when I was about 6 and she and I were really close...and this lady could have been her twin as far as my memory serves.
The day was spent with showers (oh my, that first one was SOOO awkward, I'm glad that she was not quite lucid), brief changes, hair brushing and helping people get dressed. The work was relatively easy for the most part. I am nervous about transfers still, and I am still not entirely comfortable changing briefs...it still just feels very awkward still.
As to whether or not I can keep doing this long term...I don't know. This first day was either the best or the worst work experience I have ever had. I'm not sure which. I think I need to wear my heart a little less out in the open if I am going to make a go of this. Despite this indecision, I am excited to go back this coming Friday.